These were the words said to me by a well-meaning GP when I was 8 weeks pregnant. By that point I had lost 5kg. I would go on to lose another 5kg over the weeks that followed.
I knew she didn't mean to make me feel like a complete failure for not being able to do basic tasks such as eating and drinking. But she didn't know what she was asking of me.
I didn't have the energy to say anything back. This was now my third phone call to the practice in the space of two weeks. I was exhausted. Exhausted from having to prove, over and over, that I was sick enough to be taken seriously.
That is what the burden of proof does to you. It falls on the woman who has the least capacity to carry it. The one who is too weak to fight is the one being asked to fight the hardest. And every time she does not manage to prove it, every time she is told to eat more or try ginger or get on with it, the load gets heavier. The shame gets heavier. The feeling that she is failing at something other women seem to cope with gets heavier.
Pregnancy sickness as a condition is invisible enough. Having to prove that you are unwell enough to need help makes it feel heavier.
SIPS is being built so that there is no burden of proof. We believe women. We get it. Many of us have been there.
Every woman who has helped shape SIPS has either had pregnancy sickness or spends her days caring for women who have it. There is no persuading us. We know it is awful. We know you are miserable. We know what you are going through.
So the little energy you have left can go where it should go, and not into carrying the burden of proof.